Sometimes, it’s a good thing to set goals.

Other times, it’s better to not. A recent post by Carol Roth led me to reconsider the drive to set goals – not because they’re not important, but because we can often use our “best efforts” as a cop-out for not achieving them.

See, sometimes, we work really hard at something, and it isn’t working. It’s sweaty, nasty, and even painful. It’s downright hard. So hard in fact, that no one would fault you for quitting.

“Heck, look how far you’ve come!” people will say. You might even say it to yourself. I know I have.

I used to take pride in doing things the hard way. Then I learned that there’s a time and a place for effortless as well.

The trick is figuring out which is which. Sometimes, to achieve real success, you need to throw the goal away, and keep striving. Put on a blindfold to the rest of the world and just do that thing you are “giving your best” to – and assess the outcomes later.

Sometimes, that means deleting and unsubscribing from all the newsletters that dump into your inbox every week. Sometimes, it means clearing your calendar, your home, or just getting away from all the distractions so you can focus on that thing you’re about in the world.

Sure, goals still have their place, but they should never be used as a guidepost (or excuse) for mediocrity.

Do you want to quit on the 50 yard line because that was your goal, or do you want to be in the end zone – where the points are made?

No, not every at-bat is a home run, but if you never swing for the fences, you’ll have a hard time hitting a homer. And that takes practice.

Practice at setting and achieving goals – not at giving up half way there because it was hard.

This is a voice of experience, mind you. I’ve seen a failure or two in my recent past. It’s rare for me to quit. Even when it’s hard. I’m more likely to stand over the dead body and keep trying to revive it than I am to quit “while I’m ahead”.

My experience has shown that while it can be incredibly painful to have a loss, persistence and patience are strong indicators of your ultimate success.

What are you willing to stick with – no matter what?

I really wasn’t planning on talking about love this week. At least not on this blog. I mean, we’re all about taking action here, and getting stuff done, so hearts and flowers really isn’t meant for a space like this.

Well, usually. In this case, I’m making an exception, because as action-oriented entrepreneurs, I think we all need to practice a little self-love every now and then. Specifically, I’m thinking of that character that lurks inside you: your Nemesis, your Shadow Self.

Also known as your Inner Critic.

I’ve been slowing down the writing on this blog because I’ve been doing some exploration of my more “touchy-feely” emotions on my personal blog. This isn’t the place for that kind of work, thus, you’ve seen less content in recent weeks. That said, I firmly believe that the nature of business is such that the outer work is a mirror to the inner work. So for all the tough stuff I’ve been dealing with on my personal blog, it’s all creating some juicy, helpful stuff that I can use over here.

Today’s case in point: Recently, I shared deeply about my own experience in discovering and building a relationship with my Inner Critic (I call her “The Devil Inside Me“). I’ll also be sharing more on my direct sales blog, but for now, I want to tell you that this doesn’t have to be a painful, arduous experience. In fact, it was one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Now that I’ve got a grip on my own Inner Critic, I’m still boggling at what’s been happening. Here’s a short list of what’s been going on just since Friday:

• I received an acceptance for an interview from someone whom I’ve admired for months. We’re now making plans.
• I finished the first draft of my new book and sent it to my editor.
• I connected with a screenwriter who’s ready to take my web series project idea and turn it into something we can film.
• My son graduated from camp, and when I was asked to speak to the audience, I kept it short, sweet, and to the point.
• An unexpected check came in the mail today.
• An opportunity to guest post for a very powerful blog series was presented yesterday (and I said YEAH!)
• I’ve set new boundaries around my personal time, work time, and family time that are serving everyone involved.

And that’s just since Friday, when I sat down to go through Andrea Patten’s Inner Critic to Inner Ally program. What I thought would be brain surgery wasn’t. It was easy-peasy, and wasn’t even a teensy bit painful! Here are the five steps that I took to finally tame The Devil Inside Me once and for all:

1. Name it and Claim it to Tame It. I learned that when I give my inner critic a name, I have a way to interact with her. I can talk to her like she’s a real person, instead of dehumanizing her. Without a name, without accepting her as truly a part of me, she became this dominatrix or inhuman machine that just ran things. Now, as a more personable character, I can converse with The Devil Inside Me and get to the root of the problems that are causing her to rear her head.

2. Give it a voice. I found that as The Devil Inside Me became more human, she was more fragile, with her own faults, flaws and weaknesses. She not only became easier to tame this way, but also became easier to relate to. What surprised me most about Andrea’s exercises was that they caused me to realize that The Devil Inside Me is actually pretty likeable, and the source of several of my more positive traits – like getting stuff done, and being able to get over tragedy and trauma when it happens in my life.

3. Let it be heard. It doesn’t matter if you name it and give it a voice if you choose to ignore it all the time. I had a habit of pretending that my inner critic didn’t exist. Trying to shove it into a corner, and keep it on mute. The more you try to ignore the elephant in the room, the worse the problem gets, they say. So I’m giving her time and space. Kind of like “scheduled worrying/kvetching/what-if-ing”. I give her time each day to have her say, so she doesn’t feel like the little kid that nobody every listens to.

4. Set boundaries. Like the little kid, however, I don’t have to do everything she says. I mentioned on my personal blog that I’m the Chief. She needs to follow me, not the other way around. Yes, sometimes she’s giving me useful information, but she’s the product of thousands of years of living in a fear-based paradigm. That’s a paradigm I am trying earnestly to shift to a paradigm of love.I can’t do that if all I ever hear is her voice. I’m setting boundaries and clear goals, then consulting her so that she has her say. Beyond that, I get to decide, not her.

5. Recognize the value. Your inner critic is actually a throwback mechanism in your brain to help keep you safe and stable. Sometimes she’s incredibly helpful. As I’ve mentioned, it’s her relentless pursuit of forward motion, not standing still, and getting stuff accomplished that has helped me to achieve as much as I have in my short time on this rock. She’s helped me not dwell on painful stuff like deaths, divorces, separations, my kid being away at camp for 25 months, rocky bumps in the marriage, etc. She’s also been instrumental in keeping me from celebrating some of my wins, so it’s up to me to seek the balance. Recognize that like any good friend, there are some things for which she’s very helpful, and other things I’m better off trusting to other people.

These five steps, while not always easy, are the key elements of taming your inner critic once and for all. If you’d like more in-depth help, Andrea and I worked out a way to help you while helping out an awesome cause at the same time. As I mentioned, for the past 2+ years, my oldest son has been living in residence at a wilderness camp for boys with emotional problems. Andrea has graciously agreed to give half the profits of her program to the camp when you use this link. I don’t make a dime off recommending this program to you. I feel so strongly about how her work has impacted me personally, that I’m proud and even a bit excited to share this with you in such a special way. If you think you’d like to tame your inner critic once and for all – and even turn it into your ally – you owe it to yourself to check it out.